The map is not the territory.

Paulette@VoidWithMe.Blogspot.Com
and her music : http://www.rraurl.com/paula

Ill tell you a little bit about Brazil. Its a huge country full of people with amazingly different backgrounds: Germans, Italians (most of us), Portuguese, Japanese, Chinese, native Indians, Austrians, English (a few), French and so on. Most of them moved to South America a hundred years ago to start a new life. And they did! Very new indeed! They worked hard, saved money, got married and created the most energetic population of the New World. We are happy, yes. There is something about being born in Brazil that gives us a better amount of serotonin running in our veins. We are easy to please, approachable people, usually light and smiley, fond of good food and a lot of sex. We shine, so happy and healthy we are. We meet, laugh together, and if we like each other we fuck with no guilty feeling. There is nothing wrong about it as long as we dont move to England. Here, before any potential date there must be a lot of talking, stupid amounts of beer, a few splifs and... the date is over cos the boy is too drunk too fuck. Something in the back of my head tells me that he didnt want to fuck in the first place, and his mates are more important than anything. They give him the intellectual reward he needs.Why dont you hang around with other people, Paula? You must ask. Well, I like English people for many reasons. I like the way they talk. I love the language. When I moved to London I promised myself I wouldnt spend my time with my Brazilian friends in order to improve my language skills and I did. My accent is quite good for a Brazilian girl who spent two year in London so far and as you can read, I can write ok. I know I dont use sophisticated structures or obscure words, but I bet you can understand what Im saying, yeah? Right.So now Im here, attached to the British way of life, trying to understand the way they communicate, changing my mind set to accommodate their expressions. Bob is your uncle, funny is your auntie.They treat me very well and some of them have the patience to explain things, screwing up the flow of information. Thank you, but now Im feeling a bit frustrated.My frustrations made me read about Schizoid personality disorder and Neurosis and the texts I came across pictured the people I know as being ill. Jung sees them as being sexually repressed, neurotic, stuck in childhood and so on. If there is so many specialists pointing out to the problems of being repressed, why do they keep on destructing themselves with drugs and ignoring nature? The whole city of London is on drugs.Thats fine for me. I wont tell them what to do cos its not my job, and I will keep them company for as long as my body can handle, but my sexual life is close to none.I got married to a beautiful boy as soon as I moved to England. We had serious problems of communication and when we broke up last July I didnt know I was going to be immersed in other peoples frustrations everytime I tried to fuck.Men run away from me. They say they are scared of my sexuality and me. One of them, a well known DJ, spent some sunny afternoons with me, telling me about his trips to India, his records and his desire to make music. Nice! I thought I had a mate to make music with. He thought he had a girlfriend and told everyone he was seeing me. He didnt fuck me or anything like it but he scared all my potential dates leaving me fuckless again. It was a shame cos I was shagging a very big cock every other week, but he ran away. He actually borrowed money and ran away.I tried to tell the big cock that Mr. DJ was just a friend and I would love to see him again, but I didnt work. He said he only do things connected to many other things. Maybe he wanted me to be part of his hive or something like that. Neurotic. I don't know. The big cock still owes me money and never fucked me again. A friend of mine told me there was some gossips going around that I fucked more people in the house I live so he didnt want to interfere. Bollocks. They like to gossip, especially if the gossip takes away the responsibility of fucking. What if I fucked more people? Is it a problem? I didnt anyway. Would love to have done.So here is me. In theory I fucked everyone. In practice I fucked a pathetic amount of men. 2.. 3? In months and months!!! I would be glad if I had one but an active one. Whats the problem of wanting to fuck 3, 4 times a week? Its surely much less than the amount of love I used to get in Brazil. Yes, love! I call it love! Hugging, kissing, laughing together and fucking. Love!Parties all about drugs, and I dont take drugs, I love myself, and there is no motivation to get dressed and be nice cos in the end I wont shag anyone. They say Im gorgeous, I look great! Oh! Sexy!. Shut tha fuck up, bastards! You dont really think Im sexy! You dont know what sexy is!!!!The good part of it is that Im reading books compulsively, learning new words and stretching my brain. Im feeling good, and now I found a very nice man to keep me company. Hes English, yes. He seems scared of me sometimes, hesitating, but I like him. And Im free to try and fuck other people. But I gave up. I wont try, cos its ridiculous! I think a woman should be grabbed and treated right with no hesitation, but Im aware that London is not the place for this sort of expectations.Everyday there is hundreds of Brazilians moving to London. No wonder they get the jobs and people want them near. Londoners love Brazilians. They need this symbiosis and our spark of life is refreshing. The other way round can be frustrating, but Ill keep my mouth shut. Let them come.Hey fellow brazilians! They eat badly, they don't like fucking but there is nothing wrong with them! No! We are primitives! We are here to entertain them! It's refresing!